How to Survive the Humunculi for Dummies
by IDontStalkIWatch
Summary: Three friends are having a innocent game of bloody mary when the power goes out. When they wake up their world is about to change. Tori wakes up in a dark room with gluttoney trying to eat her. Katana wakes up in a shower and looks up to see a naked lust. And poor Takeshi can't tell if Envy is a woman or man.
1. Bloody Mary

**Chapter 1: NEVER play bloody Mary with your two drunken friends.**

_AN: Hello, my lovely readers, this is my 2nd FMA story. I hope you all enjoy yourself. I do not own FMA because if I did...Edward and Roy would have hot man-sex all night...O/O yup..._  
Now has a BETA, all chapter are being revamped.

**Tori**

I got up out of bed, the emotions of a bad dream still tingling at my chest as I struggled to retain any memories of it. After a few moments, it became a fruitless act. Deciding that a glass of water could be the perfect excuse to get out of my dark and suddenly scary bedroom, I shuffled into the hall. The first things to greet me were the overly bright light coming from the kitchen and a mess that could rival any club. A pizza box clung upside down to the couch, clothes were strung all over the floor and little clusters of empty beer cans litter most of the kitchen and living room. I glared at my roommates sleeping forms and tried to make my way across the kitchen. My foot knocked into a group of cans soaking my socks. They were blatantly in the way; this is not the way to wake up. I shouted, "Hey, you two."

Katana stirred first, her black hair sticking up in strange directions and her backless halter top looked wrinkled. She gave a stretch to the sky, her rose tattoo peeking out of the waistband of her jeans. Takeshi gave a groan and sat up on the couch, wrinkling his gorgeous face at the pizza box that he'd been snuggling against. He tried to play it off by standing up and running his hands through his long black hair, his bright green eyes looking over the state of the apartment. Standing up at his full height, he towered over me by almost a foot and a half. If I hadn't of known him, it might have been intimidating. His quizzical look turned to a smile as his eyes fell on me and without a word he began picking up cans.

Katana sat down on the couch, pulling at her top and smoothing her hair, trying to tame the chaos that had overtaken her body during her 'nap'. "So what you guys want to do," asked Takeshi as he tried to break the silence. Katana turned her attention back to us and an evil grin spread up her face. I in turn made a groan, when she got an idea; it always had two things in common: being girly and stupid.

"We should play bloody Mary," Katana suggested. I opened my mouth to protest, but like a force she walked into the bathroom and we trailed behind her.

"Ah, Takeshi since you're the brave man. You go first," gave a pout, jutting out her bottom lip and looking up at him through her lashes. Hook, line and sinker… She had him, just like the twenty other guys alphabetized in her black book. Jealousy bubbled up in my throat, she could get her way and she spoke her mind, I wasn't nearly that brave.

He sighed, "Fine." He turned off the lights and closed the door. He spoke loudly without any joy in his words. "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary," There was a long pause and just as I began to have the inklings of doubt in the back of my mind, he of course stepped out unharmed, making me feel a little silly. Katana did the same and again nothing exciting.

A little bored and being shockingly reminded that this was made for children, the door clicked closed and I became bathed in darkness. Let's just get this over with, I rationalized to myself. "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary," the darkness gave an ominous feel, that raised the hair's on the back of my neck. Everything's fine, just say the last word and get out of here. "Bloody Mary." The room stayed silent and I squinted at the mirror seeing only my blob of a reflection. What little light I had coming from the cracks under the door extinguished and Katana screamed. I ripped the door open, the hall and adjoining rooms were without light. "What happened?" I tried to adjust my eyes to the lack of light and locate their forms, Katana's fear pushing me to be the calm one.

A low rumble began from below us, increasing its intensity as the room began to shake. "Earthquake," I yelled out, shocked and perturbed by the omen that passed after playing Bloody Mary. Not having experienced one myself, I clung to the nearest wall as picture frames fell and I could make out Katana holding onto Takeshi as he pressed himself tight against the doorframe to my bedroom. The earthquake shook the apartment harder, knocking me off my feet as a bright light flashed in front of my eyes. I landed face first into, concrete? My eyes hurt and my ribs ached as I became aware that the ground was far harder than my carpeted floor.

A voice made me freeze and I tried to will the spots in my vision to disappear. "So Lust, when do we get to go after that pipsqueak alchemist?"

"Father says we can't kill them... They are important for making the Philosopher's Stone," said a feminine voice across from me, "So no killing, Envy."

"Lust... I am so hungry; can't we kill the Scar guy? Can't I eat red eyes, Lust?" A sinister voice, made my blood run cold and I turned in its direction, seeing a very stout man, eyeing me hungrily.

"Sure gluttony once we find him you can eat him," Lust said with a sigh. I gasped and scrambled to my feet, pushing myself against the nearest wall with fear. They gave me a death sentence, this wasn't the funny, ha ha, grandma could eat you up. No, they're cannibals trying to find a scar guy with red eyes and planning on killing me afterwards. I am trapped in a place full of psychos and possible Satanists, considering they named themselves after deadly sins. Overcome by the situation, I screamed.

"What is that sound," cried the one called Envy. At once, their eyes locked onto me and my heart leapt into my throat. The tall woman approached me first, her heels clicked across the tiled floor. She stopped obviously used to playing the game of cat and mouse. I looked about the room, not recognizing anything around me or a reasonable escape, but that didn't stop me from trying to bury my fear with a glare. With her long hair and the breasts and curves of a Hollywood dame, gave me a knowing smile.

"Military spy," Envy questioned. Military, my brows knitted together in confusion. War was in eastern and third world countries. This looked modern and their skin is white. Why would I look anything like the military? I bit my lip thinking about the tank top and fuzzy pants I'm currently clothed in... Not the time, I need to escape.

I opened my mouth to perhaps argue that this was some kind of huge mistake and maybe the nice cannibals would just let me go, this sounded like a worse plan the more I thought about it.

Gluttony whined and looked back to Lust, "Can I eat her, please. Lust, please?"

"No," she turned to the boy-girl; I blinked trying to narrow down his looks. He had a boy's face and frame, but his clothes and hair, screamed girl. Then again, if he was born into this, then being gender confused is the lightest mental issue that he could have gotten. "Envy, take her to Father. I'm taking a shower; I need to get the sewer out of my hair."

And so it began...


	2. Do NOT Touch

BETAed

AN: hey yall this is The Rose Made Of Razor Blades, ill be writing Katanas pov because my dear sissy IDontStalkIWatch cant bring herself to write her to her fullest without censoring and omitting so HERE WE GOOOO!

CHAPTER 2: DO NOT TOUCH!

Hi my name is Katana, and I'd like to say that everything I'm about to tell you was story for your entertainment, but sadly I can't do that and still have a good conscious. Okay yeah I could, after all I have absolutely _no morals_. Please keep this in mind as you read about how my friends and I came to live in a whole new kind of hell... Well for my friends anyway. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I first awoke to the screeching sound of Tori getting angry at the fun time me and Takeshi had. Peeling myself off of the floor, I quickly formulated a plan to get her into the sputtering shyness I was used to and to nurse my growing headache. Sitting still on the couch was simple and I could fixate myself on the floor, hoping that it would stop spinning. Then I remembered the time ten year old Tori had come out crying, when we'd banged on the door while playing Bloody Mary: perfect.

I pulled a simple look and they scampered after me to the outside of the bathroom. Everything was going according to plan, except, I couldn't stop my head from spinning long enough to bang on the door. I let it slip my mind and let out a giggle as I purposely tripped into Takeshi and clung to his shirt. He looked down, his expression; the same unreadable face as before. This wasn't the first time, that I'd hit on him, but he remained odd and impassive towards me. Sure, just like every boy he'd gave to my will, but he never advanced on me or answered to my sexual suggestions. I just couldn't put my finger on him.

The electricity went out and I took in a sharp breath, feeling like a cat plunged into water and let out a yelp, clinging to Takeshi. I could hear Tori speak up and then the apartment began to shake. Takeshi pulled me with him to the doorway of Tori's room and I he wrapped his arms over me protectively. I felt safe and there was this burning desire that I'd never felt with a guy before. Wait, didn't Tori say that Takeshi was gay?

A bright light flashed from Tori's direction and at first I thought that she'd found a torch, but the light blotted everything out and I could feel myself fall away from Takeshi. Soundlessly, I screamed and my back smacked hard into water. Blinking profusely, I grabbed onto the sides of the pool (that was being rained on), only to find that it felt like a curved tub. "Where," my eyes cleared and I found myself tangled with a naked woman, her narrowed eyes glaring at me. I looked up at the shower, soaking my halter top to my braless breasts and found it could work to lure her in. I was already looking lower and taking in her body. Her breasts looked far larger than mine and I licked my lips wanting to taste them. My headache melted away and I felt like I was in rapture, that god had personally candy gramed me the perfect match. Her long legs curved up to a tiny waist and I moaned.

Now I admit what I wanted to do was incredibly stupid, that I really should ask why I'm here, but god was she temping. I quickly let excuses bubble to the surface of my mind: this is a dream, I'm still a little buzzed and she was _begging_ for it. Conscience assuaged.

God, she beat me in curves, but that tattoo centered on her sternum told me that she's a bad girl and begging for me. Her ebony hair fell around her shoulders, perfectly framing her breasts and I prayed from my clothes to disappear. If I bumped my head and I'm currently brain damaged, sleeping: never let me wake up. If one of my friends woke me up I was going to take a rusty razor blade and jab it in their eyes and slowly peel of one layer of skin at a time until they were completely unrecognizable.

Grinning stupidly, I reached out to grab a breast, "Oh god, come to me you sweet thing," I huskily spoke, my eyes half lidded in lust. I gasped, cut short with a claw like nail against my throat. Above me, the gorgeous goddess snarled, pressing the claw deeper into my skin, forcing me against the back of the tub. Sassy, she had my attention.

"You so much as finish that motion and your mother will puke over your remains," her works cut into me like ice. My jaw dropped, that voice wasn't just cold. No, it had a dark, silkiness to it like iced French roast coffee or dark chocolate. I was about to continue my previous motion, her words didn't make sense as I focused on the feel of her voice, so mesmerizing. I felt a sharp prick on my neck and a slow stream of blood glided along her finger, my blood. Then the truth came crashing back upon me like a sack of bricks and I became aware of a blinding headache starting behind my eyes. I could feel pain? Dreams don't have pain! Oh gods, this can only mean one of two things: she's a female Freddy or I'm not dreaming. Staring at her nails I realized her fingers had literally turned into knives, black knives. I screamed out my words, trying to mold my body with the porcelain in an attempt to get away. "Freddy got a sex change, oh shit!"

"You will listen to everything I say or I will snuff out your pathetic life," she paused, her finger knives, slowly sliding down my neck and I could feel a line of pain. Fear and pain turned into a cocktail, showing me just how threatening she really is. "Get out and shut up, we're going to see Father." I looked at her confused. Father, she still lives with her dad, _holy_ _shit_?! I gave a sad smile; thank god I'm a girl. However, I'm not really keen on thanking god personally. I climbed out of the tub slowly, her knives following me as I stood awkwardly, my jeans overly heavy from the shower. She climbed out of the shower, turning the shower off in one clean motion. The woman didn't go for a towel, instead she took a deep breath, and a slick black dress appeared on her like her skin had just turned black. I noted that the dress is the same as her knives. With her fingers back to normal, she grabbed me and dragged me off to wherever her dad was. A supernatural bitch wants me dead, I'm so fucked...


	3. Time to meet Father

BETAed

_A/N: Hey lovely readers miss me? Well here it is... Chapter 3 of How to survive the homunculi for dummies. And just a little authors note the homunculi are going to go off the Anime I am just sticking father into it to make it easier and I will put ling into it…(if you don't know who ling is…well you'll soon find out) ENJOY! 3_

CHAPTER 3: FATHER

I blinked, sure that shock had made me bold, "Father, You're all related," my tone was questioning as I looked Envy up and down. They were nothing alike.

He gave sneer, clamping a hand onto my shoulder and pushing me down a long brick path. Underground, I wondered, the ceiling curved and made of the same brick, dried out sewage line? He jerked me down another corridor and it opened up to a large room, the walls cracked and worn down from age. Everything fell at a slight slant and the brick showing through the windows let me know that we hadn't gotten any closer to the surface. The first place I could think of that left the sunken buildings to rot was France. I eyed chipped pillars, the architecture looked about right.

"Hey Father, I brought you a sacrifice," I didn't see anyone as he squeezed hard on my shoulder and forced me to stop walking at the bottom of a grand staircase. I winced and mustered up a glare, but he didn't respond, he was looking behind me, the soft click of heels echoing down the hall.

Lust, as the 'Gluttony' called her, walked in, carrying someone over her shoulder.  
"Father, your sacrifice," She casually tossed Katana of all people to the ground. Oddly, enough she winked at me, and tried to hide a smile from Lust as she walked past her. I gave her a confused look.

"I just hit on a super villain, in her bathtub and lived," she enthused, like she had caught a picture of a celebrity on vacation, not a life and death situation. I gave her a glare and made cut-it-out motions with my hand. What if she pissed them off and they decided that they didn't need us?

I stood there, feeling much like a goldfish in a piranha tank. Piranha's don't eat very often and they preferred to play with their food first. I shivered, we needed to run.

"Hey busty," she paused to get onto her feet, "Where is Takeshi? He'd tall with long black hair, and green eyes. He's _very_ hard to miss." My eyes widened as I stared at her like she'd grown a second arm, yes prod the cannibals. My shoulders fell, feeling deflated, however, I did want to know where my friend went.

Lust didn't take the bait and instead looked to Envy and Gluttony. Envy was the first to react and he turned to the two girls." He started flirting with me so I killed him," stated Envy like it was as normal as watching television.

"You what," I shouted, turning on Envy and giving him a pointed glare. They were picking us off, one by one. Tears, began to well up in my eyes, Takeshi, why did they have to kill him?

Envy, didn't stop, he saw the pain in my eyes and rubbed it in. "He said I was pretty and I was so grateful that I showed him my power." He showed his sharp teeth in a jagged smile, "He shouldn't have run."

I shivered as he purposely left off the end, but it didn't matter, the answer hung in the air, weighing me down. He killed him for fun. Just because Takeshi brushed a button, he didn't even push it. I swallowed down the sobs struggling to break free, my hands balled into fists and my whole body felt like it was shaking.

Envy, walked up a few steps, his grin, still plastered on his face. "You see, we were going to show you to Father, but we have something much better in mind." He gave a glance at Lust, but she just crossed her arms, her expression unreadable.

He grabbed an abandoned piece of paper off the railing and tossed it down at our feet. "We're going to play a game." I risked a glance at the paper and saw it to be a map. A small sense of hope, stopping my tears completely and so I looked up at Envy and he had my complete attention.

Gluttony gave a sickly laugh, "Games, will I get food?"

Envy glanced towards Gluttony's direction and I tried not to be unnerved by Gluttony and keep my focus on Envy. "Yes, Gluttony, you get to eat one of these girls." I heard Gluttony smack his lips and I stiffened my back in fear.

"The one who lives gets to tell the commanding officer at Central everything that happened," he glanced at Katana and I could see her out of the corner of my eye, shaking like a leaf. It had finally kicked in, she knew the gamble and we both had a fifty-fifty shot. "If the winner doesn't follow our demands, well, let's just say that Gluttony will get another treat."

Envy jerked at us and I flinched back. Envy threw his head back and let out a laugh, "Now, _run_."

For a moment Katana and I froze, staring at each other and eyeing the map. Katana was the first to go for it, but I had thankfully been closer and snatched it, running for the tunnel out of the building. My socks skidded and burned the bottoms of my feet as I turned the corner, trying to look at the map and not run into a wall. I could hear the patter of shoes from behind me, Katana was on my heels. She would out run me with actual shoes, but she was also still half drunk and a shameful runner.

I shook my head, I shouldn't think like that, Katana is my friend and I owe her a chance. I looked at where I might be on the map and traced a path, looking up at the turn. "Turn left," I cried out before ducking down the next sewer path.

My feet already ached, the brick harshly pounding against my heel with each step. We needed a way to stay alive, we need to get to a populated area, find a cop, anything. Then, I heard it like the howling of the wind, an ungodly pant began behind me and the slap of something on all fours chasing us. Katana let out a scream and I glanced back, seeing Gluttony just now turning down the path towards us.

I narrowly avoided a low hanging pipe and traced the map one more time: three rights, two left. I repeated it like a prayer, counting down the halls in my head. "Right," I yelled back to Katana, with her on my heels, we both toke the turn, neck in neck.

"Katana, second left," I called out, giving her a broken smile. I was beginning to lose hope. We turned down the second tunnel and I was losing my lead. She glanced at me and then pumped her legs, passing me completely.

We ran for what felt like miles, Gluttony crying out, sick with misery and hunger. Up ahead, Katana came to a stop and turned to me her eyes flickering like an animal trapped in a cage. I came to a stop, barely avoiding smacking my face straight into a wall. No, I looked at the map wrong, crumpling it into my pocket, I gave the dead end a once over, feeling much the same as Katana.

"Tori," she whimpered, begging me for a solution. I felt along the walls, as Gluttony grinned and giggled taking his time now. In the dark corner of the room I felt it, a ladder. My heart skipped a beat and I looked up to see a tiny hole letting light in.

"Katana," I yelled, getting her attention as I grabbed tight onto the rails and began to climb. The old iron dug deep into the arch of my feet and I gritted my teeth pushing on. Katana pushed behind me, trying to force me to go faster.

Gluttony let out a wail behind us and I could hear the patter of his run again. So, close, I reached up to the manhole cover and heaved with one hand. It was so much heavier than the movies. I gave it another shove, going up another rail and putting my shoulder in it. It gave way and I was able to start pushing it away. With just enough space, I started to climb out and Katana screamed. I didn't stop; I pulled myself up and immediately put my attention on the hole. Katana pulled herself up, tears running freely as I helped her up. She got to her feet and gave a funny step.

"Katana, what happen-" I cut myself off, seeing the bottom of her jeans ripped off and dark blood oozing out of a chunk missing out of the back of her calf. We couldn't wait on this; I put my shoulder under her arm and pulled her along.

The first thing I noticed was that we were on the street and started to steer us towards the sidewalk. The road and sidewalk had no cars or people and the buildings were plain. We were on the wrong side. I pushed us down the nearest alley, seeing crowds of people walk past and the zipping of cars as they passed us. I couldn't hear Gluttony, but I wouldn't stop. We had to be safe first. Katana hobbled with me, letting out a moan in pain and protest, but unable to stop her drive to survive.

We both worked on adrenaline now, as we half ran the last few feet and into the street. I didn't watch where I was going and barreled us straight into the mass of people. Several people were knocked down and others tried to rush around us. Big city, of course, they would be the ones to help us. I helped Katana get back onto her feet and we hobbled against the crowd. Despite the elbows jamming into my ribs, I felt momentarily safe. I just needed to insure it. A blue uniform caught my eye and could have cried for joy. I stopped at the police officer exiting a store. "Please, help us." I pleaded and the person turned, their eyes narrowed and accessing the situation. That was when I noticed that the uniform was military, not police. Well, it looks like we'll deliver their message after all.

"Please, my friend is hurt, I need a doctor. We were attacked." The military officer instantly took charge. Her sharp red eyes were calculated as she looked to Katana who had begun to sweat and shake.

"Get into my vehicle, I'll take you to the military medic," she ushered me into the car and we both helped Katana into the backseat. She glared at the wound, took off her jacket and folded it up, pressing it against the bite. "Keep pressure on it, you don't want her to bleed out." The blonde slammed the door shut and climbed into the driver seat as I held Katana's calf over my legs, one hand pressing the jacket into the wound. Katana hissed and muttered something under her breath as the car whipped around and began playing chicken down the road, her driving both fast and reckless. Katana whimpered, and grabbed my arm, barely able to keep a grip. Finally, she skidded to a stop at a large official looking building, which I momentarily thought might be their city hall, till another soldier ran out, she barked for the medic and he ran off again. The blonde soldier opened Katana's door and eyed the wound.  
"The medic is on his way; just sit here until he can take her in."

I nodded in response, glad that someone else had taken charge in this fucked up situation. I pushed a piece of hair out of Katana's eyes and she gave a weak smile, her eyes looking sunken in and her skin sickly.

The seconds ticked by before anyone stepped out of the building, then at once a whole group of soldiers burst from the doors, a small man leading the pack, a leather bag in hand.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Hawkeye, we will take it from here." The small man replied and he motioned for the other soldiers as they grabbed both Katana and me, dragging us out of separate doors. "Her wound," I cried out, struggling against them. "You have to help her," my chest heaved and I sobbed for my friend. A sharp prick in my arm, forced me away from Katana's direction. One of the soldiers pushed a needle into my arm and I hissed, trying to pull it out. Already too late, my vision blurred and my head rolled uselessly. The soldier pulled it out, two others still holding each of my arms. I struggled, trying to keep awake and glare at the one who drugged me, but my eyelids were so heavy and I drifted off.


	4. Is there something wrong w this pictur?

**CHAPTER 4: CENTRAL HOSPITALITY**

First words out my lips were a groan as I tried to force my body to cooperate and wake up. It felt like I was fighting my own body, to not let it give into blissful sleep. No, I didn't have time for that, Takeshi is dead and Katana got a huge chunk taken out of her by the fat, crazy cannibal.

I slowly sat up, my muscles burning in protest. I'd all but carried Katana down that alley, the burning letting me know that I'd been avoiding any physical activity since high school. I shifted in the bed and put my feet on the ground, the cold tile a comfort to me. I looked over to the bed next to me, Katana slept; her leg wrapped and held up at an incline. I felt physically sick seeing her so weak. Katana is always the stronger, more outspoken one. How did we come to this?

"Where's Al," I heard the cry from across the room, my head instinctively following the sound. I'd been so caught up in Katana; I'd forgotten to even see if there were other people in the room. Sure enough, a blonde male had awoken suddenly, two soldiers at his bedside. I watched as the soldiers shared a look and sat down, the blonde staring off to the corner, where their bodies had been hiding an old broken suit of armor.

I wasn't sure if the boy just had a nightmare or a case of dementia, he just kept staring at the armor. I looked away, after a long moment, he spoke again.

"I'm sorry Al, that's twice now you've been carved up. I'll fix you right away." I blinked confusion apparent as the blonde's yellow eyes flickered towards me for an instant. He's well aware of me.

"Yeah," the word was barely above a whisper and echoed from the armor. My face turned red and I felt dizzy, yet another thing that didn't make sense. I locked my eyes on Katana drawing from her memories for strength. This wasn't my reality, not my life. Why were the three of us sent here? Tears began to sting the edges of my eyes and I swallowed down the sobs that threatened to leak out. No, I'm strong, strong like Katana. What other option did I have? Let this world break me to pieces? Katana deserved better, my god I'd almost left her to be eaten. Me, I'd made the conscious decision to let my friend die. It had just been a game, 'What would you do in that situation.' Now that I knew, it scared me. My mind buzzed with unanswered questions, but no one could answer them. I have to live with this and hope that I can be more than this.

I could feel the others eyes on me, but definitely I stared at Katana. Small victories, it felt great.

"Edward, sir, that was some stir you caused in the lab, what happened?" I didn't recognize that voice and assumed it to be one of the soldiers. At least I had a name to the blonde now. He looked much younger than me and they called him sir. That brought up all kinds of questions and it sounded odd. His tone was of worry and he talked about a lab. Perhaps he was a kid genius, however rare those I still recognized as normal. I couldn't help, but sigh. I felt like a hopeless child, with my clinging to normality.

"Nothing much," the blonde, Edward, passively responded. Kid genius sounds about right; he's too cheeky to be an actual soldier.

This only riled the soldier up, "Nothing much? You and Al were seriously hurt." The soldiers tone turned to chiding, mentioning Edward and Al. Who's Al? Is that the disembodied voice from the corner earlier?

This conversation got more and more interesting by the minute. Emotions were obviously high, even with Edward. I turned back towards them, their conflict giving me an easy distraction.

"Come on, we've had worse. Just one baby step away from having the truth." He let out an exasperated sigh, "I won't botch it next time."

The other soldier, whom I hadn't gotten a great look of, bellowed out her voice, "Edward, sir, I apologize about this in advance." The voice rang in an official pattern and acutely feminine. Her short hair had made it hard to see what gender she was. I subconsciously brushed my hand through my hair, wondering if it was hard to tell with me. Then out of nowhere she slapped him, the look on his face, he was equally shocked.

I heard a gasp out of the corner and movement out of the corner of my eye, when I focused on the armor, the head had moved. All on its own, the head had talked and moved; oh I'm so losing my marbles.

"You nearly died and put your brother at risk, you need to remember you're still a child. You have to start trusting the adults with a little of the work." Her voice turned soft, almost begging him. It didn't last, like a one-eighty; they both stood at attention and apologized. I seriously didn't get the military.

Edward sighed, his eyes locking with mine. I of course, quickly found the wall interesting. "No, you've got a point. I'm sorry," he responded to the soldiers. I grabbed strands of my hair and busied myself by braiding them together, putting my eyes back on Katana. With all of the commotion she might even wake. Katana is a bad sick person and dealing with her every whim felt like a god send at this point.

An hour later all three of them filed out with Edward muttering about a phone call. I let out a sigh and stood for the first time, my knees wobbled, but I stood just the same. A short distance to Katana's bed, but it felt nice to be able to watch over her. A smile slowly spread on my lips and I brushed the hair from Katana's face.

"Is she your family," I jumped, hearing that odd disembodied voice again. I turned, eyes darting around the room. No one else remained and the door's closed, there's no denying it now, the armor talks. Okay, look for a rational explanation: someone could be inside the armor.

Struck with a sudden nervousness I tried a response, "No, but she's my friend." My eyes looked at the helmet of the armor, giving my best assumption on armor to human relations.

The head- helmet- turned to face me, pupils glowing in its eye sockets. My body gave a shiver, a proper warning to let me know just how unnerved I really am. Okay, not a person inside, there's no flesh around his eyes. "I see." His words just felt vague and sad.

The armor could be sad? When in Rome... "I'm Tori. You're Al, right?"

The armor nodded its arms and legs missing, making it hard for him to gesture to himself. I gave him a smile, trying to be less abrasive. "Say, you wouldn't know where we are, by chance?"

He jerked back, his mood completely dissipating, "Oh, yeah sorry. You're at the Central military branch."

That brought reality crashing back down. Our captors- Envy- had told us to carry the message. I had to tell the military or they would come back for me. I rubbed my arm, suddenly not feeling safe.

Edward walked back into the room alone and I froze, finding myself drawing way more attention that I'd like. Standing in a room full of beds didn't allow for blending. At least lying on the bed I could pretend to be sick or asleep.

He looked over my dirty, wrinkled form, his eyes settling on the top of my eye. I backed, realizing my hair had become tangled in my drugged sleep. I smoothed my hair as he scoffed and sat down on his bed. Getting a good look at him, I noted that his metal arm had been put into a sling.

Odd, both of them are metal men. Is this how the world works here? I frowned, deciding to talk to Edward; he had at least been talking to the soldiers. "Hey, you wouldn't know how to get ahold of the commanding officer in this building, would you?"

He raised a brow, turning from Al to me. "And why would you need to talk to the Fuhrer?" His tone screamed of sarcasm, as he turned towards me.

I crossed my arms, "No, I don't need to go that far, any commanding officer will do." Fuhrer does that mean that this is Germany?

"Edward, Al, how are you feeling," a tall man asked at the door. He didn't waste time, walking in with a smile and adjusting his glasses.

Edward immediately deflated and laughed, "We'll be up in no time."

The man laughed back and swept a stray piece of black hair out of his eyes. "You know I've been so busy today that I haven't gotten a chance to eat."

He turned to me, his smile still present, "How about you? You look like you could use some food."

The mention of food set my stomach into a rebel mode as it gave out a loud growl. It had been awhile. I'd just been so caught up with my own problems that I hadn't noticed. "Yes, please."

"Good, how about you go wait outside and I'll walk you down myself." I looked back at Katana, not wanting to leave her alone.

He caught on quick, "She'll be fine. No one can hurt you here."

That gave me more than enough incentive. A soldier telling me that I'm safe almost came with a guarantee of its own. I walked past, muttering a thank you as I stepped into the hall.

The door clicked shut behind me and I walked to the hall's window, noticing that I'm several floors up. I let out a long sigh, leaning heavily against the window frame. The city looked so bustling from here. It made it hard to imagine the feel of that back alley and the creeping darkness of the sewers. I shook my head and turned back to the hall finding the stray soldier to walk down this hall very entertaining. After a long while, the older man walked out of the infirmary, his face solemn as he shut the door behind him. Well, time to be serious.

"What's your name," He asked reaching into his inner coat pocket.

"It's Tori, sir," I replied formally. The corners of his lips turned upwards as he jerked his hand out of his pocket and shoved a picture into my face.  
"This is my lovely Elicia, it's she so adorable? She'll be turning four tomorrow, isn't that exciting," his voice raised a couple octaves as I jerked back from the sudden movement, looking at a tiny brown haired girl in pig tails. He grabbed my arm and dragged me away, enthusing about the little girl.


	5. Kitty Terror

**CHAPTER 5: MESS HALL**

_Author's note: this is another Tori chapter, I hope you all enjoy. As for the reviews thank you so much my lovely readers 3. I know some people are complaining that there is no Roy, and I deeply apologize. The storyline is going off the original series, and once Tori met the boys it starts right after labatory 5. Ed's arm is busted, and Al thinks he is not "real." Also sense this series is not technically based on earth the girls find this place strange, sense they are indeed earthlings. FEAR NOT young readers Roy will show up soon XD if you have another other questions please either PM me or reviews are always welcome. I could not do this without the help of my lovely Beta, and my dear ole sister 3 HAPPY READING 3_

Major Maes Hughes, as he introduced himself, was currently shoveling as much food down his throat as much as humanly possible. I looked down at my tin tray of slop wondering how this indeed could pass for food. I had a scarce few bites and let me tell you, it tastes as bad as it looks.

"Envy, Gluttony and Lust, those were their names. Envy looked like a man in women's clothes, Gluttony was a round thing with long arms, and Lust had long hair and hips. Gluttony was the one that took a bite out of Katana. I'm not sure what they hoped to accomplish, but they swore to kill us unless I told you."

Hughes nodded, taking the information in. He set his face into his hands, thinking of the next words I'm sure. I pinched my nose, "Look, I don't know how I got kidnapped, but I've never been to Central. I'm not sure how to go home."

I'd told him about the light and how they were giving us up as sacrifices, but I'd left out anything from home. I didn't want to be exiled anymore by being like: hey, everything in this city looks outdated and you talk funny, mind explaining? No, I'd have to find a way home on my own. I owed Katana. Besides being a kidnapped kid from the area fit better. I've just never been to Central before, works just as well and isn't as complicated.

He gave me a smile, switching gears on me again. "Well, if you're not from Central, where do you live?"

Well, I'd have to tell him something. Maybe he'd recognize it, I mean why wouldn't he? Most countries had a good grasp on the rich ones. I tried a simple one first, "I'm from Europe."

"Europe, never heard of it. Is it a small town in a neighboring country?" I sighed, there it is. Either he's really stupid or I'm a long ways from home.

"Something like that," I took a long drink of water, trying to find time to think. He could press me on my enigmatic response, but I really hoped we could move on.

Hughes followed example and sucked down a glass of water, letting out a loud sigh of appreciation. "So, do you have any idea what you'll be doing next?"

That's the question. I'm in college, I have no skills, no good job experience and I know nothing about this country. It would be hard to get started anywhere, much less getting the information to go home. "I guess I'll-" A loud crash from the kitchen cut me off. A large, round man came tearing out of the kitchen, running for the door.

He cried out, "It's going to kill me," and then he was gone. The room went dead quiet assuring me that this wasn't a common thing. I started to get up and investigate what could have scared a grown man from his kitchen, when Hughes laughed. I looked at him blankly as he attempted to catch his breath between laughs. Finding it a failure he pointed. I had to lean over the table, but there it was: a kitten. A tiny orange kitten. I couldn't help it, I laughed. The kitten pattered off after the cook, letting the whole room catch sight of it.

It began worse than a virus, the whole room filled with laughter. I wiped the tears out of my eyes feeling oddly relieved. I had told Hughes my whole story and I expected it to hang on me like a ball and chain, but no. A kitten had managed to diffuse the situation.

Hughes snapped me out of my thoughts when he slammed his hands down on the table. "I know. You will come to my Elicia's wonderful birthday party and you'll get her a beautiful doll," he all but exclaimed the words, a scary gleam in his eye. This guy is seriously in love with his kid. I gave a shocked nod, not sure what would happen if I said no.

He calmed down and calmly wiped his face, "Now that we've settled that, how about you work with me for the day to buy my wonderful Elicia a gift." I frowned, that sentence started out normal.

I nodded again, feeling a little out of sorts. "Sure, can someone get me if Katana wakes?" We're in a completely foreign country with half backwards technology, when Katana wakes up she's going to scream.

"Done. Now, let's not waste any time!" He grabbed me by my arm again and drug me out of the room.

"Hey, Hughes you can't take me everywhere I'm still in my pajamas," I glared at him from the hall and he stopped letting me go. Funny, I expected him to ignore me.

"Those don't look like any pajamas I've seen." Hughes' serious face came back as he looked me up and down. Well, this is creepy. It doesn't help that my fuzzy pants have cupcakes on them.

I scratched the back of my head nervously, "It's just a tank top and thin pants, it's really not all that new."

Hughes gave me another suspicious once over and then mock sighed, "I suppose you can borrow a uniform till you get some clothes."

Five minutes later, here I am in a huge room digging through piles of blue uniforms. Every size seemed bigger than the rest as I combed through shelves and tackled laundry carts full of the uniforms. I could hear Hughes shuffling on the other side of the door and finally gave up. I put on the uniform and pulled up most of my hair into a small ponytail. At least I'm trying to keep from looking like a child who stole their parent's clothes. The pants were too long and baggy, making me tuck them into the boots just so I didn't trip. Hughes had his pants tucked in, but I bet he didn't have to fold them up first. The jacket was large, as well as the random wrap around that hung over the pants. I got one step and tripped over it. Growling I tossed it to the side and came out.

He laughed, "What didn't find a skirt that fits?"

I gave him a pointed glare, "Nothing in there is made for a girl, not even the skirts."

"Ah, relax, if you really joined the ranks you would fill them out just fine." I wasn't about to dignify that with a response. Military life is too brutal and lacks independence. Even stranded, I'd rather eat a golf ball then sign up.

Finally, we arrived at his office and he showed me his secretary's office. The place looked horrid. Books and papers stacked to the ceiling all around her and on her desk.

"Poor Sheska, she's been working day and night to reproduce all of our court files. However, she hasn't gotten around to organizing them. Here's a list of the books she's done so far." He tossed a huge book at me. It hit me square in the chest, knocking the wind out of me. I groaned and sat on the ground for a long moment, wondering just what I'd gotten myself into. Sheska let out a laugh above me, then went straight back to scratching away at the paper.

"Thanks Tori, I'll check on you later." Hughes slammed the door shut and laughed maniacally as he walked away.

I got up and opened the book to the first page; this is going to be a long day.


End file.
